Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
