dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
