I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
