Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
