He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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