I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize