I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
