I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
