I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
