I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
