she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
