This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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