This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
