It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
