Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
