took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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