Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
