fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
