You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
