i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize