So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
