I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
