i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Randomize
