new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize