ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
