y did u give ur computer a hand job?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
