My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
is it fun? or sober?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
