naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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