Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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