How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
