Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
