I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
