you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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