i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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