$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
