he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
