Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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