so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
