apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
