Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just blew my weed a kiss
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
