Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
