Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
this must be what syphilis tastes like
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
