You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
