take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize