.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
