so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
