So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
