i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
