can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
