Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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