It's like God shit irony all over that family
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
