My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
