I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
