I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
