My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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