Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
