i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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