So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
