I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
