Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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