I looked at my own cervix.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
