I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I can't put those talents on a resume
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
