she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
What a dumb baby whore.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I am naked and annoyed.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
