can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
