Whod you bang
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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