He is an equal opportunity slut.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
