At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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