Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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