Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
