I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
